Diary Entry "Are You Lost?"

Testing...testing...

When I first scheduled an appointment for my husband at our family doctor's office, the receptionist could barely find his file. She exclaimed, "We haven't seen him in six years!"

It's true. He's what you would call a low-maintenance type of guy. He has always been strong and fit. When he developed an annoying little cough, we both did not think much of it; although, when his wedding ring began to slip off of his finger- due to weight loss, we became concerned.

Our family doctor did an X-ray and asked my husband if he had worked in coal mines. He had been a truck driver his whole life, and we knew that question was not a good sign. The doctor sent him for a CT Scan and indicated it was Pulmonary Fibrosis, scarring of the lungs. He referred us to a pulmonologist. The pulmonologist wanted to find out more about what may have caused the Pulmonary Fibrosis, so he ordered a bronchoscopy.

This was more medical attention than my husband had experienced in his entire life. As a matter of fact, it really tugged at my heart when he looked so nervous when a nurse had to draw blood for a test. I thought to myself, "If this scares him, then how will he feel when he has the bronchoscopy?"

Thankfully, the staff at the hospital was very sweet to him and he was enamoured with the new-fangled hospital gowns that get hooked up to a hose and blows warm air into the gown, in order to keep the patient warm. He loved that and wished we had such "a get up" at home.

The pulmonologist found no more further information from the bronchoscopy and confirmed that it was Pulmonary Fibrosis. He suggested that my husband get a full-blown lung biopsy, which has a higher mortality rate than the bronchoscopy. When we asked him if a biopsy will help find a cure for my husband, he said no, but it may lend some clue as to where this disease derived from.

My husband does not want a lung biopsy or a lot of testing done on him. I let him know that he needs to go with what he feels comfortable doing and just because a doctor may want this; ultimately, the decision is his.

DIARY ENTRY -SEPTEMBER 25, 2010

Are you lost?

It's funny that no matter what highway or back road we have been on together, we have rarely been lost. As a truck driver, you have been able to see most of this country and have understood that everything is interconnected. There may have been times that you did not know how to get to a destination, but you were never lost.

Especially in our marriage. It seems like the only time we felt lost is when we were apart from each other for too long. Are you lost right now? Am I? Just hold tight, baby. It may seem that way at the moment, but we are not! We are on a road, a journey, that we may not know the destination, but we are not lost.