Friday, October 29, 2010

Monday, October 18, 2010

It All Started in Late Winter

It all started in late Winter, just as Spring was about to break. My husband had a little dry cough. Such a tiny, little cough he was sure was due to the changing weather. The cough was not consistent and just came and went.

Once Spring broke and the weather warmed, the cough still came up occasionally. He tilled the garden and as I was weeding, I heard him coughing a little in the distance. That is when we thought it had to be allergies. All that dust he was kicking up and the pollen in the air. When we were done with our chores and resting, no cough at all. Maybe the Benadryl is working?

Summer we worked. Taking our trips on the truck. He is a truck driver and we traveled the country together. Our favorite thing to do, well, maybe my favorite thing to do. After all, it's still work to him. What a wonderful time! Something we like to do every year.

As Summer wound down- we didn't. In between work and school starting, there was something always to do around the house. That is when I realized, the tiny cough had not went away. So against his stubbornness, I made an appointment to the family doctor.

September 13th, I remember the way we looked at each other before the appointment, silently worried. Never saying our fears out loud. Instead, the conversation ran around the possibility of antibiotics for that stubborn little cough.

DIARY ENTRY
SEPTEMBER 13TH, 2010

Oh Darlin',
Today you were diagnosed with a life ending disease to which there is no cure. Pulmonary Fibrosis. Oh, pretty baby, what must be going through your head and what emotions flowing through your heart? I wish it was all just a bad dream. A mistake. Selfishly, I am stricken with such panic. How will I survive losing my best friend? My heart mind and soul is so dependant on you. But, today you made the comment that "Even when we're apart, we are still together." I thought you were talking about your work, until later, when I realized you were talking about so much more.