Friday, September 6, 2013

Global Pulmonary Fibrosis Awareness Day *Labor of Love by ~Jamie Messer

Beautiful labor of love for Global Pulmonary Fibrosis Awareness Day by Jamie Messer!
Please take the time to watch! 

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Doodles From Grief Counseling

 I look at my spirit like a garden.  There have many days I have been cultivating my garden, and there have been times that the wind and storms have ripped it to shreds.  There have been times that I have ignored the weeds and there have been times I have been on my knees, picking each one out.  I have introduced new plants to my garden and I have learned which plants are not suited to grow there.  Loving and kind friends have suggested that I may be spending too much time on my garden alone.  I should enjoy sharing my garden with others.  

Just over a year and a half after my husband's passing from Pulmonary Fibrosis, I decided to go to a grief counseling group.  Although, I feel that my understanding of my husband's death has been fairly healthy and I can look back over the year and see the ways that I have grown as a person, I also know that it is good to push myself out of my comfort zone.  Often it is under these circumstances that I have grown the most.  

It was a very small group and ice-breakers were in order to get us acquainted.  A small envelope was handed to us and inside the envelope were many words cut into small squares.  We were told to pick one word that best described our last week.  I poured the words on the table before me and sifted through each one.  Words were spread out before me such as Anger, Isolation, Bitter, and Sad.  I searched, but could not find one nice word.  I did want to say something, maybe all my nice words fell out or was given to someone else in the group.  But, I do not like confrontation and I didn't feel like defending my standpoint, that while, Yes, I did feel some of those negative words last week, I also felt Love, Laughter, and moments of Joy. Perhaps in haste, I decided this was not where I needed to be.  It's one of those things when you just need to listen to your inner-voice. 

 I did stay the rest of the meeting and most of my time was spent with ears open, and hands on paper, doodling.  I still wanted the discussion to flow through me and to absorb what I could, when another exercise seemed quite fitting.  It was explained that grief is not just one big thing but a series of small things over a period of time.  For instance, yes, I miss my husband and learn to deal with that everyday- although why is it that when I have a problem with the plumbing, I unexpectedly break into tears and sadness for a whole day? It is because our loved ones are made up of many components and our love has many facets.  We not only miss that person, but a million tiny things that remind us of them and grief is mourning each and every one of those things individually.  

So, as I listened to this, I began to add to my doodle some of the ways I missed my husband and acknowledge that I will need to mourn these things as well....

Your Eyes
Holding Hands
Your Smell
Our Music
Making Love
Our Travels
Your Hair
Annoying You
Making Up
Your Eyes
Your Coffee
Our Plans
*What I miss most of all and really can't be replaced is 
Our Chemistry