Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Falling Backwards

The other night I had a dream about being in my Husband's truck.  This was one of my most favorite places to be.  He was a long-haul truck driver and together we have had many adventures on the road.  I have always loved the promise of beginning a new trip and everything that the road ahead held for us.

In my dream, I was in the driver's seat behind the wheel. 
(I reality, I never drove his truck, as I simply would not have a clue how to do so.)
 I am backing the truck into a parking spot, when, in my dream I suddenly had a feeling of falling.  From a distance, I could see myself in the truck and it is precariously perched on the tiniest tip of a very tall and steep mountain.  The whole trailer of the truck is hanging off of the mountain.  I am in the truck and trying with all my might to keep the truck on the top of that hill.  But, gravity gives way and soon the truck and I are falling backwards. 

The next thing I know, my son and I step out of the truck into a sunny and sandy location.  It is a little town.  We step into a house which is simple, bright and clean.  It is pretty there. 
I, then, looked at my son and said, "This isn't so bad.  Let's make the best of it."

That is all I remember of my dream.  I wonder if it is subconsciously how I feel after losing my husband to Pulmonary Fibrosis.  Trying to hold on and work so hard to save the things that my Hubby and I built together.  Our house, family, dreams.  Sometimes feeling as though no matter how hard I work for these things, there is a sense of falling backwards.  I also wonder what would happen if I just let that occur.  Would I find myself in a spot that I would say,
"This isn't so bad.  Let's make the best of it?"