I have been having an especially difficult time with the idea that, in this lifetime, I will not see my husband again. I am not angry at him (yet) or at a Higher Power (yet) for this fact. After all, it is not my husband's fault that Pulmonary Fibrosis has taken his life.
Lord knows, my hubby did all within his means to stay here -with us. A higher power must have some kind of plans for my husband's spirit, that is of greater importance to my, little-own, needs. So, I do not waste energy on this.
I do spend a lot of energy thinking about all of the moments that he and I shared together. I guess that is where I am at. Sometimes, I feel like I am watching a black-and-white, homemade film of our life together, in my mind. I wonder, where does this leave me? Now, where I stand, what am I supposed to move forward with?
Today is such an overcast day, not a glimpse of sunshine to be seen.
Here, it is evening and the walls of my kitchen glow a bright salmon color, and is when I realize that the Sun is peaking out.
Just long enough to say, "Goodnight!"
Rushing to the window, I make sure that am a witness of this.
Then, sure enough the Sun is going down.
Within the process of watching it recess, I think to myself, "My life with my hubby is exactly like this."
How absurd it is of me to beg the sunset not to come to its fruition.