I thought after my husband's passing that it would be right to let his blog rest a bit. Actually, this is not a new concept to "Breathing". From the beginning of his diagnosis with Pulmonary Fibrosis and the birth of his blog, when something in our lives happened, I never immediately ran to the key board to write the story. Actually, it was quite the opposite. I made an internal promise to emotionally digest the experience first then I would know better how the story wanted to be expressed. The idea is that I am not writing his story. His story has a life of its own and tells me how it wants to be written, using my fingers as the catalyst.
As time progressed and toward the end of my husband's life, so many things began to happen that I began to feel as though time was pressing forward too fast. So fast in fact, the stories themselves did not have enough time to resinate and therefore, never made it onto the keyboard. Internally, I really did feel as though I was racing against a clock. Then, to confirm my internal struggle, my husband was gone.
Grief is a funny thing. No two people experience it the same way. What if grief is the story that now lays upon my fingers? I thought about why I began "Breathing" which was to put another personal connection to the disease of Pulmonary Fibrosis, so that others may stumble across it and find bits of understanding, information or connection. How would a wife's grief fit into this picture? Even if there is a place for this, did I trust myself to let the story tell itself as I always had? Did I trust the readers to find anything of value within this?
So, my friends, where do we go now?
I suppose that in the larger realm of things, my husband's passing was in sense, an evolution. There is no way he could have sustained and thrived in the condition that he was in. He had no other choice but to move on and leave the things he was comfortable knowing in exchange for a bit of the unknown.
Like two birds flying in sync, my life is doing the same.
We are flying parallel, but in different realms.