Naturally, after my husband passed on, my mind and heart has been filled with many emotions. I walked around the house completely lost. The strongest sense of desire to hear from him, to know that he was okay, filled my every being. I did things (and still do) like talking to him as though he was in the same room with me. After my morning showers, I write him little messages on his side of the misted bathroom mirror such as, "Where are you?" or "Are you okay?" and of course "I love you".
One difficult night, I finally fell asleep and dreamt about him. We were walking through some kind of airport together. My hubby, myself and my youngest son. My hubby was beautiful. Blonde hair glowing and he had a slight smile on his face. While we were walking, I was was talking to him in a very animated manner.
What do you think I was saying to him?
How much love him?
I was riding him. Completely yelling at him.
I recall my exact words to him, "We used to do so many things! We never do anything together anymore!" Then, I mentioned his laugh. "I don't even hear you laugh anymore!"
The whole time I'm going on and on, as though we were having some form of a marital spat and he is just walking along with that little smile on his face not saying a word. Next thing I know, the three of us head out of the airport through double doors. Then we were outside, in a really cute, quaint, little town. I felt my mood change and I thought to myself, "Let it go. Stop being mad, it's not too late to enjoy the day together."
I said to my husband and son, "Let's get ice cream."
Now, we are suddenly at an ice-cream shop looking at a huge variety of flavors. We each chose a flavor, although I do not remember what kind. Then we strolled along the wooden walkways of this cute little town. Trees lined the walkway and there were storefronts with old fashioned awnings. People were mingling around and the three of us just happily walked along, licking our cones.
Then I woke up.
The dream was so vivid in my mind and it left me with a sense of being content.
I felt grateful that we spent family time together, although I wished I would have said more wonderful things to him, instead of yelling at him. That part, I wish I could have changed. Nevertheless, the feeling of the dream stayed with me and after that morning's shower, I wrote on the misty mirror,
"Thanks for the ice cream, Babe!"