Five years....five years that my life was changed forever. The day I was told and crying coming out of that office and not even knowing what exactly it was I had but knew I would have to have a lung biopsy. How could this be happening to me? What would my life be like? So many things running through my head and not knowing where to turn. I didn't even know what Interstitial Lung Disease was and what life was going to become. It took me until after the New Year to even realize what was happening and longer to tell family how bad it was.
I went through stages of denial, grief, anger. The thought of never seeing my children graduate, not being there to help my daughter pick a wedding gown, never seeing my grandchildren. Why was this happening to me? I thought my life was over. My children, family, and friends would watch me die slowly and there was nothing I could do. But I was wrong. I was not raised to give up and I have been through many things that I came out of and I would keep fighting not for me, but for my kids. To know that mama doesn't give up and show them you keep fighting no matter what.
Days are not always easy. I gained weight from meds and lost my self confidence of not just as a person but as also being a woman. I can no longer breathe as easy and do things like I could. I don't like asking for help, never have. And hate when I can no longer do things as I could before without having to stop cause I can't breathe. I would never be the same person as I once was.
I found support though with family and friends and also support groups in which those people have now become like family. I can't say that it's not hard as it was but I have come to terms that one day my time will come. We all leave this world one day but somehow it's different when you know that you only have so long and there's nothing you can do about it. The one thing you do know is that you live. Live everyday. It's funny that at times I forget that I'm sick and have a moment like why am I coughing so much and remember~ oh yeah "lol"! Five years of coughing so hard you break your ribs, Five years of changing how you do things, five years to learn that it's the simple things that are important.
So many people take for granted the little things, little things as just being able to breathe. Be grateful for the little things and never take life for granted. I have made the five year mark and plan on fighting till the end. I thank God for giving me the chance to wake up and try again everyday. I thank God for the family and friends who love me and give me the strength I need at times and a husband who has done more than support me in every way everyday.
**Thank You, Christy for allowing me to share your thoughts and to help lend hope for those diagnosed with Pulmonary Fibrosis to know that it is a learning process and perhaps, somewhere within that process is a deeper understanding of the things that are truly valuable in our lives.**
~~~Breathing~~~
