Jumping Out of The Bowl

I love my home, although since my husband's diagnosis we rarely venture far from it.  When someone is struggling for every breath, it's not easy to get away and even though my home equals comfort and love, there are days that the walls seem to close in and it becomes tinier and tinier...

We all loved to travel and have a bit of gypsy in our hearts.  I knew it was time to get away and made arrangements for the three of us to stay at a hotel that offered themed rooms.  When I announced this to my hubby, he had a bit of a panic attack.  Would he be able to do this?  How would it work?  I literally got down on my knees and with tears welling in my eyes, I told him that he would have to trust me.  In the process, perhaps we will create another wonderful family memory together.  Which we all so needed... 

We would take it at his pace.  All the arrangements have been made - a rented portable oxygen unit and his bags were already packed.

    He did trust me. 

The drive was only an hour and half.  It's funny how we were trading our home to stay in one, little room.  But watching his face as the countryside rolled by was precious. The room was fantastic.  It was in the theme of a sea-cave and included a waterfall, jacuzzi, multiple aquariums and a bed within a gigantic oyster shell!  The hotel made arrangements for an air-mattress by the fireplace for little Scott.  We had a take-out dinner on the bed, laughed and watched movies.  We learned not to put bubble bath in a jacuzzi.  It was a blast and more importantly, it was refreshing to our souls. 

During our stay, I fell in love with a goldfish in one of the aquariums.  On the ride home I told my husband that I was going to miss that fish, and he told me that I get attached too easily.  I think he is right, because I certainly am attached to him!  I do not know when we will have another chance to have another adventure like that, although I'm glad we took a leap of faith and jumped out of the bowl.

photos via: #1, #2, #3, #4

The strength of a man

When you think of a strong man, what do you think of? 

Is he tough?

Ripped with muscles?

Does he have endurance?

Or, the fortitude to adjust to any situation?

Before my husbands illness, he had all of the above and I always saw him as a strong man.  It was not until he became ill, that I saw his true strength.  No matter what is going on around him, or within his body, there is this light of sweetness, kindness, humor and grace that emulates from his very being.  I do not know where he finds that strength.  It must come from deep down or is something he was simply blessed with.  It seems to come natural for him and because of this, I look up to him.  I admire him.  To me, this is true strength. 

photos via: #1, #2, #3, #4

The power of a woman's love

My mother and I decided it was time for a visit. 

She is a best friend to me and my husband absolutely adores her. 

We were all so happy that she was coming for a week! 

When she arrived, she planted a big kiss on my hubby's cheek.  

As he blushed, he exclaimed, "I feel just like Charlie Sheen!" 

My Mom and I nervously glanced at each other a bit befuddled...

"Ummm- Honey, are you okay?" I asked.

He replied,  "Well, yes!  Now I have two of my very own goddesses!" 

We all had a good chuckle over that one!

During her stay, she sat in the rocking chair next to our bed and

spent time discussing everything from world events to the weather. 

Her company brought my husband, who spends a great deal of time in bed,

a wonderful escape from his day-to-day routine. 

She was playing with our puppies and ran out for errands.  

My shifts at work seemed to drag on forever and at the end of the day, 

the smell of pork chops and stews filled my nose and we all shared in her fantastic cooking. 

She really helped me in so many ways. 

What a blessing it is that I have such a loving mother.    

At the end of our visit, it was sad to see her leave. 

I would have liked to squeeze in a bit more girlie time. 

Thrift-store shopping and lunch, as we used to do together. 

But, I am grateful for our time spent with one another,

 even though it seemed to pass in a blink of the eye. 

 My only question is, "Mom, how soon can you come back?"

photos via #1, #2, #3

There is a wonderful event going on this evening on Facebook.  Anyone whose life has been affected by Pulmonary Fibrosis, please sign into Facebook and just for this evening, change your profile picture to Evel Knievel, who passed away from this disease.  It's that simple.  For more about this virtual event, please check out: 

 Raise Awareness for Pulmonary Fibrosis

You are not alone and hope to "see" you there!

xoxo 

Up or Down?

**Diary Entry**

I remember when my husband and I first moved into our home together.  It was just two months after we were married and not only was I moving into a new home, but it was also a brand-new town, in a new state.  My husband was born in the state we lived and we spent much time there while we were dating.  I soon fell in love with this area.  The thing is, when we married and moved, I did not know a single soul and felt very displaced.  I guess you could say I went through a "down" period.  I wondered about my new life and where I fit into the little town that we now called home.  So many changes at once!  It seemed I had a hard time adjusting. 

Now, as I look back on my "down" period, I see it with such fondness.  What a lovely time it really was...our whole marriage and life, before us.  Many adventures to be had and a journey, as a family, that would lead us into the strongest of bonds.  In my heart, I have realized that, that period was one of the best times I will experience in my lifetime.  Funny- that I did not see it that way, then. 

Which brings me to this period in my life...

I see that my hubby is very ill and within five short months I have watched his physical strength become out of his reach.  It hurts to see him struggle, while my love and respect for him, immeasurable.  I now, look at this time in my life and think that this must be one of the most "down" times I have ever been through.  Yet, we are able to spend time together, holding hands and talking about everything along the way.  We talk about things that we would have never thought to discuss and share deeper within our hearts than we knew could be possible. 

Which makes me wonder, will one day, long from now, will I look back at this period and think to myself that this was also one of the fondest times of my life?

One never knows, because life is funny, that way...

Father and Son

My husband and I were both married twice. 

From our previous marriages came four beautiful children. 

My hubby had two girls and I had two boys.  As far as the kids were concerned, no one could ever take the place of their father,

just as I could never take the place of mother in the lives of his daughters. 

We could never even try because; when you are a step-parent,
you're in a bit of a different category.  It's not a bad place to be,
because for the children;

there are more people to love and support them.

Or, at least, that is how it should be.   

My youngest son was only a year and a half old when my hubby and I met. 

My husband made a very large impression on my youngest boy as they

spent a great deal of time together.  

Scott was too young to start school and so we used that time

to take him on many truck driving trips across the country. 

I loved to travel as a kid

and my husband and I were very happy to provide him

with many different sights and experiences across the country. 

During those years and all of the summer school vacations on the road,
the two of them became very close.  

My little one could see it was not an easy job,

he respected his step-dad a great deal.  

My husband always took great care of Scott, 

looking out for his safety.

On the road, my son would sit in the passenger seat with his
little arm holding an "imaginary" steering wheel -for hours! 

He copied everything my husband did

as they sat together, through the miles, talking about everything under the Sun! 

Of course, all the while, I was in the back

trying to keep up with their conversations, in between reading and naps... 

  

The respect and friendship between them is immeasurable. 

Scott and my hubby became like two peas in a pod. 

Even now, despite my husband's illness,

they have continued to grow closer. 

Since I now work, my husband has taken on my role within the household for Scott. 

After school every day, my son reports to his step-dad's bedside and discusses
 what homework he has and how his day was at school. 

Scott reads aloud to him and always somehow gets my hubby to tell him stories of the old days.  

They both love to watch old westerns, speak about classic cars and
wonder what life was like from a whole other era! 

They are both old souls- 

even though one is 10, and the other, 49.

photos 1,2,3, via:  my son's favorite book "The Trucker" by Brenda and Mark Weatherby

photo 4 via: #4

"Good actions give strength to ourselves and inspire good actions in others."
-Plato

How may I help you?

Within the course of a few short months everything in our lives changed.

These changes came from my husband's diagnosis with Pulmonary Fibrosis.

The disease is terribly serious; to which there is no cure and so, it is natural that many

changes would result from such news. 

One of which is financial. 

From the day my hubby was diagnosed, he could no longer work.  

Losing the main breadwinner of the house

was a scary situation for us to be in.  While I was lucky enough to

be a homemaker for the last ten years; in a situation like this, 

having minimal recent work experience was a downfall. 

Combined with the current economy, we wondered if we would have a roof over our heads.

Scary, indeed!

There must have been a little star, up in the Heavens,

that twinkled it's good luck upon us, because

within a month I was able to land a full-time job. 

The job is customer service, and is

able to be performed from home. 

Someone up there, was definitely looking after us!

I have to say though, it is the strangest sensation to be helping someone on the phone,

cheery voice and all.

Full-well knowing that my husband is in another room, laying in our bed and very ill.

I, too, have called a customer service line,

sometimes in a great deal of distress. 

Now, I am the one taking those calls and I often wonder-

Would the caller's tone change if

they knew the situation I was in.

Maybe?

Maybe not. 

Either way, because of this experience, whenever I am on

the line with someone, the question does cross my mind...

I wonder- What might they be enduring in their lives after we hang up the phone?

photos via: #1, #2, #3